Second Time Around
Happy 2021! With this we expect for life to slowly turn around for us, as a nation and individually, with the promise of a fresh start. 365 blank new entries in what we call life, I for one am embracing it fully. Last year ended with the unexpected decline of my health, including multiple visits to the ER and many tears shed. While I’m no closer to get an exact diagnosis, it was truly a wake up call for me. I spent so much of last year worried about others and what their needs were, I forgot about myself. I could honestly feel my body being pushed to the absolute brink, and yet I kept going. I didn’t want to let anyone down, my co workers or my bosses. Instead being a patient numerous times during or after my shifts began. The last visit I literally said to the Dr “I can’t go on like this anymore”. To battle with your body and mind on how to function is the hardest thing I’ve gone through. To not have control over how you are feeling, is something I don’t wish on anyone.
While I haven’t been feeling like myself, I have disconnected. As I’ve mentioned in the last couple of blogs, I have been on social media much less. I don’t need to mindlessly scroll on IG or FB, etc to feel fulfilled in my life. I had to find my own purpose and center myself. That includes being much more private about my life and business and putting up boundaries. Yes, social media does have a big implication on how well this and my podcast do, but in the same logic I’ve built an audience so I’m not fully concerned. Sometimes less is more and that includes the stress that it adds. Currently my main focus is getting better, and being able to tolerate the pain I am dealing with on a daily basis. That pain if you haven’t been following from the beginning is gastric pain and GERD. This is genetics at work, so there wasn’t a way to dodge this bullet. My biological father had stomach cancer and my late mother died from Stage 4 colorectal cancer, so this isn’t something I am taking lightly in the least. April is the earliest I can get answers, so I apologize in advance if I have to take a break before then. I have to put myself first this year, no if’s, ands or buts.
Back to this year and it’s forecast, I’ve made changes in my life, that I’m proud of and there are more coming. The first one is starting an elimination diet, that will help with said digestion issues, and finally pinpoint what exactly is triggering some of my other health issues. Whether is bio, chem or environmental, I would like to know what footing I’m going to be on. Keeping a diary and using Pinterest, as vision board, and having accountability partners, Mikki and Melissa makes this 100% doable!
Secondly, I’m taking this whole mental health and myself seriously this year. Last year as I’ve said was coming back to myself, this year is using those tools to build a new foundation for my life. Going forward, I don’t live for anyone but myself. That’s something that I’ve been doing too long, my own feelings on the back burner just festering. When they have reached a boil, it’s had some pretty bad outcomes. Part of the transparency I’ve spoken about it is being open about my own issues. When you feel your own mental health detoriating and seeking help, there is no shame in that. Last year was very tough on me mentally, and brought many challenges, some very unexpected. You have to learn to live in the uncomfortable, to get comfortable with yourself again.
2020, was a gift and a curse for us all, whether you found love or felt loss, everything happened for a reason. The people who you thought would always be there, either were or removed for reasons you may never understand. Friends will always be the people you can turn to in your darkest hours and my family has come through majorly after a long time of just being in limbo. Always look for blessings through the tears and heartache, because those are the things that help us move on. I received a gift card for Christmas, and with that I bought a necklace, Alex and Ani “Godspeed”. I mean I could have gotten anything on Amazon that was worth my wild, but I kept going back to the necklace. It was as if it spoke to me, the meaning of it is protection, blessings and journey, all which fit me to a t. If last year hadn’t happened, my eyes wouldn’t have been so open to the opportunities that I’ve been blessed with. The protection I have is from above including my Mom and the Universe which is always looking out for my best interest. Lastly the journey, I don’t think that ended with last year, it’s just begun. With every thought and dream that flows through these typing fingers, I realize what my reality is. Life as we know is an ever changing journey, until we reach our permanent destination ✨
Take Care,
Taaury37
