Common Sense with Wayne

Oh Lord this is going to be a personal one.  For many years I struggled to accept the fact that I had depression.  All the signs were there, but I made every excuse to avoid that dreaded word.  Depression.  I mean, I didn’t fit my idea of depression at all.  I got up, went to work, did chores, played games.  How could I be depressed?  No one who does Dungeons and Dragons is depressed.. right?  No MMORPG player is depressed.. right?  ( oh yeah.. I am a nerd. )

Let’s be frank… you probably don’t really understand depression at all unless you have depression.  And even then most of us with depression still struggle to make sense of ourselves practically every day.  

One major symptom of depression… is that the world always relates back to the depressed person.  What anyone does is related to them.  Suzy tossed out that moldy old painting I made her in my experimental art class where we painted with moss and berries.  She totally must hate me to throw that stinky painting out. Oh, that light turned red just as I got to it, God must hate me so much he wants me to be late to work.  Work will fire me cause I am the only one that is ever late.. like ever.   The depression makes you sure that you are either the cause of everything bad in your life, or that everyone treats you badly because you are unworthy of better.  Neither of which is true.  If you sit a depressed person down and talk with them, most will define themselves as good people.  When made to answer things logically they can tell you reasons they matter, who they matter to, and who loves them.

But does logic play any part in depression?  Well no.. duh.  Logic doesn’t play any part in any emotion we have.  Depression is a chemical imbalance in the brain.  Too much of chemical A and too little of chemical B.  ( Yes.. I could tell you the chemicals, receptors, and all that.. but really.. do you even want to know? )  Do you want to drive a depressed person insane.. ask them why they don’t just smile more.  Ask them why they don’t just suck it up and get on with life.  It is just crazy to me that anyone thinks a person with depression chooses this life.  It’s terrible.

Even worse.. is when people confuse chronic depression with being sad or heart broken.  “Oh, I know all about depression.  I was so depressed after my dog died I cried for days.”  ( Not putting down losing a pet, that is hard and gut wrenching.  I hate it. )  No… just no.    It is NOT the same thing.  Saying you know depression because something bad happened is like saying you know what it is like to be a cat because you dressed up as one on Halloween.  People with chronic depression can laugh, they can have fun, they can be happy.  The truth of chronic depression is that the sadness they experience, when they experience it, is often not rational, it comes at them in overwhelming feelings of being hopeless, being worthless, being a burden, even when the truth is the exact opposite.  There are also different types of depression.  I don’t really want to get into the types and descriptions because I am not a trained Psychiatrist and I don’t want to list things and have people suddenly trying to self diagnose themselves from my descriptions.  Google does not equal a PHD.  Go see a specialist.  

Now, this is all from my perspective.  As I said, the only thing I am an expert about in depression is my OWN experience.  I go to therapy.  I take meds.  I’ve gotten better.  Am I “over it” or “cured”?  No.  And I never will be.  Depression isn’t gonna go away.  It isn’t gonna stop because I want it to.  I have good days and bad.  When I am stressed my anxiety goes crazy.  The stress of the world, the pandemic, the hate, all of it, affects me deeply sometimes and I have to really fight to get control back.  The stress isn’t just on me but on my family as well.  They can’t understand what it is like in my head.  Why things that shouldn’t knock me down can lay me out faster than a punch from Mike Tyson.  Ok, maybe not that fast.. at least depression would leave my head attached.  Not sure Mike would.   All I can hope for is that they are patient and understand that I love them deeply.  

In the end, depression is a mystery to the world still.  Far to many think it is either fake, or think it is just some sadness that people should get over.   It will stay that way because there isn’t a way to really make anyone who doesn’t have depression understand it from our perspective.  Even if you don’t understand depression, we need you to accept that it’s very real.  And the best thing you can do for us, is to listen when we talk, don’t judge us for our invisible disease, and just do your best to encourage us to get the help we need.  That’s all you can do, and it’s enough if you do it with love and empathy.

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