Begin Again

When you look back on your life at 80 years old, will you have regrets? If you aren’t sure of the answer, and would like a general idea, let’s proceed shall we. I can remember being young and having ideas of what I wanted to be “when I grew up”, and at the time it was to be a pediatrician, and while I kept that dream til about high school, didn’t really pan out the way I wanted it to. I remember that conversation with my guidance counselor, my freshman year and how despite being in Honor’s classes, I was told to focus on my writing, that was my key to “success” At 13 and half, I was a little taken back that my career choice was a no, I continued to focus on my classes and yes my writing style. By age 16, I was still testing out in English, which I had been at a college level since grade school, that’s something that I have always taken pride in. While I still didn’t consider it a career at that point, I did realize at some point this imagination would get me somewhere. I applied and was accepted to UCLA, my first choice college, for shocker Creative Writing. Sadly due to said stomach issues, I had to postpone that and went to my second choice, closer to home UMASS Dartmouth.

College was a good experience for me, some of my favorite subjects were Anthropology, Sociology and of course English. This is also where my passion for writing was tested, because I wasn’t in the safe space of high school and teacher’s who knew my style. My writing has always been that of fiction/non fiction, and trying to give my audience the feeling of my characters. It’s different when you are writing about yourself of course. That’s a whole different point of view, one that either carries or weighs down your story. It’s easy to get lost in your own head and ramble on, which is why I divide these into sections. I learned very young how to intro your story, fill out the landscape, and finally conclude it with something that makes your audience want more. Without those main components and APA style, which I grew to have a love/hate relationship with, I’ve learned that I indeed love writing. The creativity of my canvas, is as endless as are the stories and experiences of my life.

As I’ve gotten older, my writing has taken the backseat to other things, mostly my mother’s illness and concentrating on her more than my own dreams. That isn’t something that I regret doing, it helps the character, and has given me far more material than I could ever dream of. While there are some things that I will keep private until I feel ready, my life is pretty much an open book. It’s truly amazing what the heart and soul can handle, when it faces adversity and wins. It’s not always an instant win, but it’s something that I take pride in. I’ve truly been to hell and back, and there is much more to my story than what meets the eye. Yet there isn’t enough time in the day, to truly get down to nitty gritty of all my experiences. Let’s just say it’s a bag of tricks that hasn’t always as good as now, and even that is as I’ve stated a work in progress. There is so much I have left to accomplish, and I know in time, that will become a reality. For now though, I see myself working through past and current issues, that exist in my life, I think that without my kaleidoscope view, I would probably be boring, lol. Instead you get me, the authentic me, both in person and here, exception being I’m probably a lot more talkative in writing than in person.

My main goal behind all that I do, is to try to make a difference in people’s lives, whether it’s indirectly or not, I will leave my mark. When I’m old and grey, I would love to hear the stories and memories of what my friends say. I wonder what truly sticks out to them the most? I know that my giggle, is my trademark, along with my uncanny ability to show my feelings on my face which currently hidden by a mask ( see my eyes for indication). For the most part I’m a pretty well rounded individual, who just wants the real version of people to be shown, even if it’s not always the best view. I’m 38 years old and while most people have settled into their “forever jobs”, I’m beginning again. In the workings of my mind and the private meetings I’ve attended lately, I am creating a future for myself. Also known as a outline to what I truly desire in life, the drive and hustle never will stop, trust and believe that.

In closing what I’m trying to say is, its okay to start over, whether you or 24 or 52, it’s never too late for your dreams. I think that we all go through a phase of transformation, every 5-10 years, which includes life events like marriage, a birth or job loss. We all have experiences that shape and shift our reality for better or worse. It’s what we make of them is most important, use them to fuel your inner most desires or crawl into a fetal position of despair. If you do end up choosing the latter, let me tell you a little secret: I was once that girl. This sometimes feels like my live journal, but also a form of therapy for all of us. You learn from my mistakes and fingers crossed, I make less of them hopefully haha. To go from being in a constant fight or flight mode, to full survivor is a feeling I can’t really describe. I’m proud of all the progress I have made as a person and know, that I’m fully capable of and making that a reality still leaves me in awe.

One of biggest moments of my career happened last Friday and I can’t wait to share all the scoop. Let’s just say that the voices that have been silenced for so long, will be amplified beyond belief. I have been heard, not just by the little people at the bottom, but also administration at my job, and I am honored to be asked to take a position that grants me the ability to represent them. Continue to fight and work for what you believe in and don’t ever let the word NO, stop you from getting and hearing all the YES to come. Be poetry in motion, let the colors live out loud.

Take Care,

Taaury37