Downfall

Over the years I have come to realize one of my biggest downfalls is doubting myself; questioning who I am. Any time something goes wrong I ask the question “what’s wrong with me“? In fact, what sparked this blog post is that I am questioning myself in this very moment…

It’s like I am always living in my head and overanalyzing EVERYTHING. No matter what I do, I can’t seem to get out of my head and just stop thinking. I think about the past a lot and wonder what happened to all of the meaningful relationships I’ve once had. “Where did those friendships go?” “Was it something I did?“ I guess I will never know.

I give so much that I often have been taken advantage of. I love so hard and my energy is never reciprocated. I put others before myself, always…. And that’s the problem. What about what makes me happy? What about the things I like? No one ever seems to care. So I have to. If none else cares about me, I have to be the one to care about myself. No matter how good I am to people, and how much I’m there for others, I can never get the same for me.

And because of this, I tend to doubt myself. Self-doubt is real, and I admit I struggle with this. I know I have to love myself enough to feel better about myself, but it’s hard. The subconscious is a bitch. And without consciously being aware, it is what drives our thoughts, feelings, and our overall lives.

I felt so overwhelmed with emotions in the beginning of this post. I went for a drive and just let everything out. I cried. I screamed. And I realized that I need to change how I look at myself. And how I feel about myself. Otherwise, I would never progress and I will continue to be my biggest downfall.

Going forward I want to start doing more of what makes me happy. Even if it means going out by damn self. Learning to love myself. There is nothing wrong with me. I am a good person and anyone would be blessed and lucky to have me in their life.

Going forward I want to pay less attention to what others have going on around me. Because let’s be frank, everything that glitters isn’t gold. What people often portray is not always what it is. Today, a lot of people put up a façade. And outsiders looking in would believe they have everything figured out and that their world is so picture perfect. When in reality, it isn’t.

Going forward I want to become more selective of how I use my time. And who I give my time to. It’s time to be selfish. I know I’ve said this a thousand times before, but it’s my time now. No one else’s.

The days of being super nice and overly caring are behind me. It wasn’t appreciated before so I’m putting all of that energy into myself. I want to be the best version of me. I no longer want to be my own biggest downfall…

https://www.mindingyours.org/post/downfall