The Misadventures of Dave Carson

Part 1: 

“He Drinks a Whiskey Drink, He Drinks a Vodka Drink”

 

 

 

 

        It’s been almost a month since I’ve lost my job. At first, when the pandemic broke out, we were all told not to worry, and that everyone’s job was safe. “From the CEO down to the janitors!” I distinctly recall the higher ups declaring. Turns out that was a load of B.S. For the past few weeks or so the only attire I have been sporting is morning pajamas, and to spice things up a bit, nighttime pajamas. You know, to keep it interesting.

 
This morning I went to the mailbox to grab this past week’s worth of deliveries. I have stopped going every day to try and minimize the amount of possible exposure to the virus. When I got to the mailbox however, I noticed something was different. It was packed with mail, but there was a handprint on the side in what looked like yellow powder? I went to brush it off and immediately regretted the decision when I remembered this crazy pandemic out there. I rubbed my hand off on my lounge pants, grabbed the stack of mail, and practically ran back into my house to wash my hands for about 3 minutes. They say to wash them for 20 seconds, but they also said that this thing wasn’t anything to worry about, yet here we are.
 
The undoubtedly obvious truth is that they don’t know a fucking thing about this virus. Hell, if I turn on the news for just 10 minutes, I’m left with a panic attack because of how scary they make this shit out to be. Anyways I was washing my hands in the kitchen sink, when I noticed there was another yellow handprint out in my backyard, but this one was on the outside of the door to my shed. Okay, that’s weird am I right? I went to my room to get dressed for the day. It looks like I have a mystery to solve…

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